Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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