its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
