my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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