Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
