he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
