My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
