Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
