have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
