They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You can't motorboat a personality
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
