can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She's like a pop up book from hell.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize