Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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