She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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