this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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