I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
