1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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