i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
