Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
