Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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