he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
