what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
