The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
