So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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