i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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