I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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