u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I need a beard to bite.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
