This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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