nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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