Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
