Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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