I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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