I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
