i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
