So drunk its hurt
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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