oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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