she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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