We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have aggressive nipples.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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