obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
