fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
