Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
