Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
