I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
