I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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