I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
