When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
