i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize