You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
