Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
