i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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