in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
