I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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