You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
