There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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