So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize