I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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