I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
