i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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