what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
