I met the friendliest cop last night
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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