im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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