I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
