i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
