After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
