That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
