How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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