WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
