Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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