I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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