i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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