The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
