Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
