i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
