Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
