I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
