I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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