My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
