come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
