yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
