Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
