ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
