I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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