either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
