he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
