I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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