I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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