Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Will you blow on my dice?
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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