I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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