I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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