he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
