Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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