i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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