How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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