At least make sure they are 18
Why
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
