Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
