there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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