I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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