I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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