I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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