she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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